In the heat of the moment, the human mind can undergo a significant degenerative shift in rationality, wisdom and compassion. Those who often allow themselves to speak or act in the heat of the moment seldom see the flaws in their behavior, seeking instead to justify it or deny any wrongdoing.
For Clark County District Court Judge Jasmin Lilly-Spells, an Asiatic woman and wife of a navy veteran, one momentary lapse in judgement landed her behind bars and marred her reputation. Notwithstanding the potentially damaging effects on her judicial career, Lilly-Spells allegedly pushed her husband – who suffers from Sciatica and was in pain at the time of the incident – several times and repeatedly stabbed a game console with a screwdriver. The heated incident was just one of the latest as the couple “had been having marital issues leading up to it” according to a news report.
While the exact reasons for Lilly-Spells’ disgraceful treatment of her husband remains to be determined at trial, much can be deduced from her alleged destructive actions on May 8 – which was recorded on video. First, and most importantly, the complete and utter lack of compassion when she shoved him twice – the first sending him tumbling to the floor – despite knowing he was already in pain due to the Sciatica. In addition to that, and perhaps just as disturbing, the apparent spitefulness demonstrated by the willful act of attempting to destroy the two PlayStations after relocating them to the closet of the couple’s bedroom.
The Social Stigma Men Suffer In Silence
In our modern society, the roles of men and women in domestic relationships have been blurred and – in some cases – reversed completely. Whether this is due to personal preferences, unforeseen circumstances, or social engineering on a scale fit for classification as a conspiracy theory, it’s no secret that men of all social statuses have been under constant pressure of emasculation for decades. A pressure that borders on dehumanization when you consider the lasting effects of some of the more unreasonable expectations that society puts on men.
As a man, you’re expected not cry when you’re hurt. Not to complain when you’re treated unfairly. Not to express affection for anything “cute and cuddly” unless it’s a woman’s body. A manly man, as they say, is one who kills and dismembers deer, chops down trees, chugs liquor like an pirate, and picks a fight with anyone for any reason. Of course, not everyone can by a manly man. Heck, half of all men live in cities and don’t own a rifle nor an axe. So the next best thing is a handyman – a fix-HER-upper who’s one step up from a SIMP. If you have a phallus and can’t do or fix things when needed, you’re classed as “lazy”, “good-for-nothing”, and ostracized by those around you with a special form of contempt.
People often don’t concern themselves with why a man can’t do certain things. Overlooking any legitimate reasons he may have, like a chronic back pain that’s triggered by heavy lifting or prolonged bending of the waist, they’ll proceed to make assumptions and spread rumors based solely therein. How would I know?
Well, I’m so glad you asked.
Cue the sob story music! [Courtesy of the classic Korean drama “Dong Yi” – You’re welcome!]
Back when I worked three jobs to make ends meet, rarely sleeping more than 2 hours in a day, the mild back pain that I previously developed while working at an Amazon sweatshop sortation center rapidly evolved into a chronic issue. The worst case of which occurred in July of 2020 when I overworked myself digging up a large rock in the backyard. This acute spasm-inducing and rapidly pulsating nerve pain in the lower back was accompanied by an equally debilitating pain in the upper back directly on my spine near the base of my neck. The kind of pain that makes childbirth seem like child’s play. Bedridden, day and night, I reeled in agony – only to languish in anxiety as the pain drained my energy and put me to sleep. After about a month of this ordeal, my body gradually began to heal as best it could – though any sort of lifting or bending would trigger a resurgence of the pain in the following months.
Despite witnessing all this, people still expected me to perform certain physically demanding tasks and would often expressed contempt whenever I declined. This social stigma causes many to lack compassion for men with a chronic condition that may not be readily observable. Some will go so far as to think along the lines of “if he’s not in a cast or a casket, he’s just lazy.” This is the precise lack of compassion and empathy that can cause a wife to shove her ailing husband twice in the heat of the moment.
Was this a case of parental discipline taken too far? A classic case of a temper tantrum in the final months of a failing marriage? Or a case of vindictiveness towards her husband? We’ll have to wait until the trial to find out. However, one thing is certain, Lilly-Spells’ alleged battery of the man she married highlights the hidden social stigma suffered by men with chronic pain.